Man, today has been a completely shitty day.
Stay back -- I'm on a roll -- and please, for the love of GOD, don't let me hold your child...

1. I dropped a bottle of Frank's hot sauce in the kitchen. It hit ceramic tile floor and EXPLODED. Glass shards embedded into my legs and feet. Not fun! Glass and hot sauce sprayed everywhere -- CSI would have had a field day trying to work out the spray pattern. I learned what no one needs to ever learn; that hot sauce stains your skin. My legs are covered in unsightly orange splotches that will not come off with any amount of scrubbing.

2. I dropped my camera, my love, my joy, my baby. I love my camera -- and now, it is dented and coming apart -- though miraculously-- it still works. I guess we need to follow Kathy's lead and buy the camera you can drop from 5 feet.