Alex - during one of his first days at home

Well, N and I survived.  We survived our first month as parents.  Looking back, I now realize that I was prepared for the wrong things.

I stressed about the labour.  S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D about it.  In hindsight, it was nothing a few narcotics couldn't get you through.  I swear to you, my recollection of the night of my son's birth is a blur.  Seriously sketchy.  Big holes in my memory.  Still, if I were to do it again, I would not refuse the drugs.  

What I now know, is that it's really the week after that you should prepare for.  Not in a million years would I have guessed how hard breastfeeding was.  Not in a million years.  That first week was terrible; there is just no way to sugar-coat it.  I was sleep deprived, stressed, sore, shaky, freaking out at the enormity of being responsible for this wiggly, fragile little baby.  Then to top it off I was having feeding problems.  I remember the morning the nurse told me that Alex had lost 9.9% of his baby weight and that I'd have to think about supplementing with formula, see a lactation specialist, and stay in the hospital longer.  I burst into a round of super snotty tears.  Not so much because I was starving my baby - well maybe a little.  More so because I thought one more day in the hospital would kill me. Seriously.  Kill me.

I hated the hospital stay - I did not sleep more than 10 hours total my entire stay - and that is probably being generous.  I hated the nurses.  I hated the fact that it seemed I could do nothing to make Alex stop crying.  I hated that I refused to let N leave the hospital because...I've never been so dependent and needy in my life.  If I am being honest, he is the only reason I survived that week without a complete mental breakdown.

After seeing the lactation specialist, things got a bit better.  I was still struggling with breastfeeding but at least we had a plan - one that would see Alex eat and grow.  When we got discharged I was so happy.  Honestly, even with all my woes, I think that had we been sent home sooner I would have done much better mentally.  I felt so overcome with joy to leave the hospital.  I can't really even express into words my relief to leave that place.

MSK finally feeling and looking a bit relaxed.

We spent three glorious days at home, alone.  Then my parents arrived with my brothers.  I love my family and I was happy to see them but it soon became clear that the learning curve required to figure out this mommy thing was a lot steeper than I'd expected.  I was really snappy and easily agitated their entire trip and for that I apologize... but seriously guys, I was really tired and tremendously overwhelmed with it all.  Still, having my mom around was really really helpful - even if she did give Alex a bottle against my wishes ;)

Grandma and Grandpa Maciag enjoying their visit with Alex

The rest of the first month flew by... we met our pediatrician.  Alex finally successfully took to the breast and started to gain some weight. Hooray!  I was able to stop seeing a lactation specialist.  By the end of the month he was a whopping 10 pounds 1 ounce! He was thriving! The best part of all was that N and I were finally starting to get the hang of things.

This is Alex at one month.  He is super long!

The caterpillar is 24 inches.

Want a glimpse at our first month with Alex?  Click here.