Today I went for my first ultrasound.  It was a weird experience. 

For starters, you are supposed to arrive with a full bladder.  Have you ever gone for a medical appointment that was on time??  Well, this one was not and that led to an uncomfortable wait in the waiting room.  Second, technicians are not really very chatty.  In fact, there are signs in the lab that state you are not supposed to talk to the techs and that the techs are not at liberty to tell you anything... apparently, you need to follow-up with your doctor.  This sucked for all of the following reasons:

1. I really just wanted her to immediately confirm that there was indeed something in there.  Would that have been so difficult?  I mean as a first time mom, I went to this appointment with a fairly liberal degree of scepticism.  Is it really so terrible for the tech to immediately tell you, yes there is indeed a baby in your belly?
2. Ok -- so now you know there is a baby in there.  Is it really so difficult to confirm that there is only one baby in there?  I had this fear that there'd be more than one in there.  As much as I like the idea of getting the pain over with all in one shot, there was a part of me that feared I was not ready for the possibility that I could have more than one little creature in my uterus.  The thought of multiples actually kept me awake more than one night. (I mean seriously -- if you are going to have multiples you need to have at least sextuplets to get on Oprah and a TV deal on TLC -- how else can you afford it?)
3. I had always assumed (thanks to TV) that I'd be able to see the ultrasound monitor.  Not so!  All I could do was watch my tech make strange facial expressions at the monitor.  Her brows all furrowed like she was tense about something.
4. No one ever talks about internal ultrasounds.  They only talk about external ones.  I think that is all I will say as I am still scarred from the experience.
5. Finally, my tech spoke!  She said, "Are you here by yourself?"  REAL COMFORTING!

It was at that moment, about 25 minutes in, that my hormones took over and I started to cry.  Like a big sucky baby.  Cry. Her facial expressions were wigging me out and all I could think was that something was wrong.  Then she asks if I'm alone!?!?  All I could think was that she had something horrible to relate and wanted someone I knew to hold my hand.  N was there -- but up until that point they had told him to wait in the waiting room.  So I am panicked and have a mini meltdown and only then does she tell me... yes, there is a baby in there.  Yes, it is alive and kicking.  No, no real problem -- just that the kid is stubborn and won't roll over so she can get a certain measurement. 

I breathed a big sigh of relief.  Was that so hard?? Could that not have been related to me as she looked??  Can we say terrible bedside manner??  Finally, she turns the monitor and lets me get my first glimpse at the little peanut.  Holy crap!  There is a baby in there!!

She did eventually get all the measurements that she needed.  N was then allowed to come in and she showed us both the baby on the monitor and also zoomed in so we could see the baby's heart beating.  I don't know how I thought I'd feel to see my baby for the first time but I can tell you that I found the experience tense.  I left more relieved than anything that things were okay.